Well, not anymore. yep, i am finally done with anti-depressants. My 17 year addiction to prescription drugs is over. I'm no longer an insomniac. i no longer sleep in until 1pm like a piece of shit. I actually feel pretty good. i finally feel like i am in control and that i am not addicted to drugs. i don't know how many of you have taken anti-depressants but they seem to loose there effect after about 3 or 4 years which is ironic because that is about how long it takes for a generic to come out. Then you go to your psychiatrist he talks to you asks you how you are doing and then you say "i don't feel like my self anymore, i feel like the pills aren't working.." in which he replies "you know i got this great new prescription for you, you should try it out." then you become a zombie for the next fucking two or three months, and so continues the cycle.
the strange thing is, is that i have been on this cycle with all different types of meds. at one point i was diagnosed ADHD given Ritalin i went from being a normal size kid to pretty much going to looking like i was a Somali refugee seriously i looked bad. i started taking this when i was in fourth grade and it made me a fucking zombie. then i switched to Adderall when i was like 13 i took that for 2 years and i had headaches pretty much 5 times a week and would have two to three migraines a month, and all of this to keep me mellow. i also believe this a large reason why i didn't hit puberty until much later then i should have.
then sometime in when i was like 15 i switched to Prozac and that wiped me out for the next several months. then when i was like 17 i was put on another med in addition to this one and it has been the fucking course of me and has taken me 10 years to get off of this shit. Risperadal. that was the wurst shit of my life. I was seriously wiped the fuck out for like 2 years no lie. i gained a lot of weight back. But, this shit was horrible if i missed a morning dose i would seriously shake and my hands would tremor. all of this so i could be level. then as the years went on i started to develop muscle twitches and slight spasms in the hand and shit like that.
I definitely had a lot of shit happen to me in my early life before i turned five that i don't care to share, mainly because that would make this much longer...LMAO! I will say that the AD's served there purpose they numbed me from actually every having to deal with any of my problems.
That's all they ever really do is mask the real issues. I had a lot of issues that i needed to resolve and i still have a bunch, but you can't mask them with drugs of any kind. Everyone comes from a dysfunctional home. Everyone has a lot of shit wrong in there lives. Most everyone is looking for a way out of there lives in some form....reading, music, movies, dancing, writing, art, drinking, drugs that are legal and illegal and everyone does NEED some sort of escape from reality every now and then.
escaping from your lives is a great thing. i do it a lot when i listen to music. real talk...music and art have always been my real escape, i'm not that great at either but they are my real escape. The problem with AD's is that they become a sometimes permanent escape from your real issues. you really get to a point where you are high all the time especially in times when you shouldn't be. there times where you are so dazed on these pills that you honestly lose a part of you.
I feel like the AD's did help it's just that they should never be pitched to you like a long term solution to shit that is pretty much all mental and has to do with some experiences way back in your childhood in early life and your teens. AD's can be a great supplement to some SERIOUS THERAPY, not someone who is going to use you as a guinea pig of the latest hottest shit that he gets from phyzer.
I know that therapy can be great and necessary and a lot more people could use it. THERAPY is the answer and being self reflective and questioning yourself for all of the stupid things you do can be great. acknowledge that you have fucked up and that it is YOUR fault that XYZ happened and you have not taken control of your life. if you get fired from a job it is YOUR fault that you were late 5 days in a row shut the fuck up and keep it moving. Life isn't easy and never will be. If you want proof that life isn't easy listen to the Charlie Rose Interview with Warren Buffet, Warrens kids hate him...seriously. No one has it easy..no one, but the real message is....
don't numb yourself to life.
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2 comments:
Once again, I said on Facebook, GOOD FOR YOU!
I'm very wary of drugs of any kind, but especially mind-altering drugs. Shoot, as you know, I even avoided alcohol for most of my life, because I was worried of possibly getting addicted to that.
But I'm especially concerned about these psychiatric drugs, too. And I don't think enough about this gets reported on by the media enough.
I mean, I'm pretty wary of the medical industry in general. I had an experience a couple of years involving some doctors who put me on medication for high blood pressure. This stuff made me dizzy & tired. But they wanted to keep me on it for a year. But I stopped, and just started exercising more, changed my diet, and bought a home BP monitor to check myself daily, and I've managed to bring down my BP without any drugs.
Now, why didn't the doctors tell me to this stuff? Because they don't make any money by me fixing myself! They want me to pay every month for their pills! It's foul, man.
And that was a drug for a PHYSICAL problem. Drugging folks for MENTAL problems seems even more potentially dangerous. I don't like when I hear how often kids are getting put on this stuff. Sometimes it seems like an easy way out for teachers & parents who don't want to deal with their kids. Little Johnny can't sit still in class? Put him on drugs! That'll shut him up!
I mean, I don't want to act like I know everything, and I'm not saying that all medication is bad. I've got a couple of online friends, who've told me that they're on medication for ADHD or mood-swings and, in both cases, from what they've told me, they're much worse off when not on it. So if it's working for them, I'm not going to tell them to stop. But I do think that this stuff needs to be scrutinized more. And should only be used as an absolute last resort.
wow...I've always been wary of drugs of any kind. I don't even let the dentist use laughing gas on me. It terifies me to think that I may not be in total control of my body. But congrats on coming back down to earth. Must be scary and exciting at the same time!
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